I'm sitting in my dorm, taking a break from the world. One of my friends is sitting to my right. I can hear the game she's playing on her computer. We've been studying for roughly two hours. It's no where near as long as we need to study, but it was some studying so we figured we deserved a break.
Sitting here now, with the string of lights on above my head and my back resting against the cold brick of the white wall behind me, I find myself thinking about theses past three weeks...and they've been great.
I've been hanging out with so many friends lately and have gotten my homework done. The class I dreaded most is looking to be one of my easiest. I'm almost afraid to mention all of the things that have going right lately. Words are powerful and I don't want the writing of them to shatter the goodness around me. I've felt like I've been in a dream. A really good dream, not one of the twisted nonsensical ones I normally have. It's like...like...all the worries of summer, all the tears I shed, all the depression I felt, has disappeared. I am literally joyful. I can't remember the last time I was this happy.
If you had told me five years ago that I would be where I am now, I would have called you a liar. If you would have told me four years ago I would have laughed at you. Three and I would have mumbled an, "I doubt it." Two and I'd say, "Maybe." One and your answer would be, "I hope." I'm here now and I can hardly believe it.
Two nights ago I found myself leaning against the wall, looking out my window at the brilliantly orange harvest moon. The soft glow of my string of lights was in the back ground and it and my desk lamp was playing with the shadows in the room. I wasn't doing anything other than admiring the night. It was so beautiful and I felt so great. I felt, infinite. Like nothing could touch me. A sense of familiarity passed over me. I knew I had never been in that moment before, but I felt like I had. That's when I remembered.
I've had an reoccurring dream for a few years now. Actually, it's more of a day dream. I'd space off and find my mind wandering to a scene just like the one I was in that night. I also associated peace and contentment to that scene...and when I was actually in it I felt them.
I don't know what it is about this year, but there is something special about it. There's something genuinely good engulfing it. It makes me excited to see what the year brings. It took a lot to return to college. There was a lot of stress, tears, and times I just wanted to give up. My hope had been shattered, I had laid on the floor -watching the ceiling fan -and wondered what the purpose of going to college was if I'd never get to finish. If I never got to reach that goal I set out to accomplish.
I'm back at college now, thankfully, and I can feel that this year is important. It's already shown to be. I've spoken to so many people (old friends and new) and have gotten to know their stories. I've been surrounded by people who love me for me. Who accept me and don't consider my weird habits or taste in music to be odd. These are the people I call friends. Some of them I've known since my freshman year, others I just met last year, and still others I only met a couple weeks/days ago. My schedule is constantly being filled up with friends. Who am I kidding though? I don't have a schedule. I did...then I decided that I actually want to have a social life. I haven't had a good social life in what's felt like forever, and oh how I've missed it. Even then, when I did have one before, it wasn't nearly as great as it is now. Probably because of the people I am currently spending time with. They just make it awesome.
Life's good. Life's great. And I'm hoping it stays that way.
