The Joys of English

So, I found this list on the internet at http://www.thecampuscompanion.com/2011/01/25/you-know-youre-an-english-major-if-part-2-of-a-series/ and thought I'd put it up here in a sort of check list format. This way I can see exactly how many of them I fit and you can see if you fit any of them too, if you so desire. By the way, my opinions/answers to each statement are the words in bold.

• People’s everyday grammar and vocabulary make you cringe (Yes, I'm okay with most of it but real hic langauge makes me cringe)
• You believe that you are mentally and socially superior to all other majors (No)
• You want to become a teacher (...maybe...)
• You want to become a journalist (NEVER!!!!! I shall NOT restrict myself to facts)
• You are a teacher/journalist (Ha, no! I haven't even graduated college)
• You know the difference between “its” and “it’s” (Yes. It's is an abbreation for It Is, where 'its' is when it has something)
• People’s grammar and usage on facebook horrify you (Some times. Gangster langauge and text talk irritate me...yet I'm guilty of using text talk. It's convenant when one's too lazy to write out a whole word)
• You know the difference between “their” and “they’re” (Yes! Yes! Yes!)
• You write for the school newspaper (Nope)
• You know what a “gerund” is (...I do now...Google is a wonderful invention, isn't it?)
• You regularly make use of Sparknotes (Guilty as charged!)
• You are tired of being asked what you thought was “significant” and… here it comes… Why? (Amen whoever wrote this! Those are problably the most asked questions in the English majior)
• You’ve spent an entire day writing a paper (Yes)
• You’ve gotten an A or a B on a paper you wrote at 2:00 in the morning (Hehe, yeah. Most of my best work is done in the early hours)
• You’ve gotten an A or B on a paper defending a position that you don’t even agree with (Yeppers)
• You’ve gotten an A or B on a paper that you don’t recall writing because you were blacked out, and the professor wrote a comment praising its “fluidity” (Define blacked out....I have gotten and B on a paper that I didn't remember writing, but it was durring a week where I had papers due almost everyday and I honestly couldn't tell which ones I wrote and which ones I took a grade on)
• You have an insane number of chapters to read tonight (I always have an insane number of chapters to read)
• You have a personal relationship with William Shakespeare (Well, no. He's dead. No one has a PERSONAL relationship with him, anymore. He is one of my favorite playwrites though)
• You’re convinced you can make a living writing poetry and/or novels (Want to = Yes, convince =No)
• You have a pet named after an author or literary character (Not currently, but I did last year)
• You regularly invent bad puns, and your friends want to kill you for it (Hehe, sometimes)
• You look down on anyone who wants to ban a book (YES! You have no right to ban a book...expecilaly not in America. Freedom of speech people! Now, you can put age restrictions on it, for example I wouldn't want a 10yr old reading Stephen King, but don't completly ban the book)
• You use famous quotes in much of your conversation (Some times)
• You consider authors to be sex symbols (What?!?!?! Uh...weird)
• You analyze everything you read in terms of where the prepositional phrases are (No)
• You’re offended by statements like “no more than six pages, please” (Yes)
• You analyze things constantly and impulsively, often more than is needed (Kind of have to. If I don't then I end up not analyzing things enough and end up failing my paper on the subject)
• You know that everything in the universe relates to English literature (There are many other things that it all relates to, and it's not just English literature. I, myself, happen to be a fan of Irish literature and British literature)
• You want to learn a foreign language so you can read things other than English literature (Been there, done that, love reading things in another language)
• You want to analyze how that other literature relates to the universe, and to English literature (yes)
• You want to consider the significance of said relationships and why they are significant (sure)
• You regularly get in arguments about correct grammar (Yes!)
• You shout “ONOMATOPOEIA!” whenever your friends use one (Hey! I randomly shouted that word today!)
• You know when and how to use “lie” and “lay” (Now there's a tricky pair, but yes...if I think about it)
• All of your classes encourage the “Socratic method” and have the desks arranged in a circle (I wish)
• You go to English classes that you aren’t actually signed up for, just because you’re excited about them (Why would I do that? I don't go to anymore classes than I have to, because as much as I love English I'd rather spend my free time writing)
• You spend more money on books than you do on food (Guilty)
• You go to the library more often than you go to rock concerts (Yes)
• You know that absolutely everything you write must have a thesis statement, upon penalty of death (In some shape or form, yes...but I dislike creating them for research papers)
• You know that every source must be cited, upon penalty of death (Absolutly! And it must be done in the correct format...I perper MLA to APA...but that's just me)
• You know that only one of your cited sources can be a website (Yeah, I've deviated from this one a few times...)
• You know that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition ( :P )
• It bothers you when people say “neither… or” (shrugs, actully that one doesn't bug me as much as others)
• You don’t understand why your friends laugh when you talk about how thick Moby Dick is (Hated that book, and if you put your mind in an imature mind set it's easy to figuire out why they're laughing. Seriously, who words things like that?)
• You know the ins-and-outs of MLA format (YES! YES! YES! My all tiem FAVORITE format!)
• You know that there are other formats besides MLA format (Yes...I extremly dislike you APA. People say you're simple, I say you're a pain in the butt)
• You know the ins-and-outs of them, too (So what if I do? Doesn't mean I like to use them)
• You’ve fancied becoming a hippie (Maybe *gives too innocent of smile*)
• You aren’t bothered by the idea of being homeless (Not really. Though I'd rather not be)
• You correct other people’s spelling, but shudder at the thought of them catching mistakes in your own (I don't pretend that my spelling is perfect. I know for a fact that it's horrible)
• You, unlike most of your classmates, can actually understand dialects (Yes)
• You use Shakespearean insults (I bite my thumb at you sir! Is that enough of an answer for you?)
• You favor the English spelling system over the American one (Yes)
• You need a calculator to know what 7×9 equals (Yeah...math is my enemy)
• You posit that the book is always better than the movie  (Always)
• You spend years trying to understand “the human condition”
• You are currently reading 5 or more books at once (Clockwork Prince, Stranger, The Hatchet, The Island, A Picture of Dorian Grey, and part of Ulysses....um, yep, more than five)
• You know that the backbone of a strong argument is the text that supports it (Yep)
• You keep a running list of books you’d like to read (Yep)
• You keep a running list of books you’ve read (Yep)
• You keep a running list of books you’d like to read again (Yep)
• You have what you consider to be a personal library (No doubt about it)
• You have enough books in said personal library to start a new public library (Problably)
• You always encourage others to read more, even though you know they won’t (Yes)
• You swap books with your friends because they have to read yours and you have to read theirs (Ocassionally...I have an odd collection of books I want to read so I normaly just end up buying any that I wish to read...even if my friends have them)
• A book is the best Christmas or birthday gift you can think of (Always on the list)
• You have friends who are science majors and don’t understand “why reading all day is so hard” (Yes)
• You are constantly asked “where you plan to go” with your studies (Yes)
• You are tempted to answer “Jamaica” to the above question (Haha, my answer's Moscow, but I  guess Jamaica works too)
• You are seriously considering a career as a librarian (Yep, applying for a summer position)
• You feel guilty when you walk out of a bookstore without buying a book (Nope...I feel sad, but my bank account is happy)
• You have to know what year a book was written in, and who it was published by, just in case you have to cite it (Year, yes...that determins what the language style will most likly be like...publishing company, only ocasionly)
• You make a mental list of words to look up in the dictionary (A mental list? I look them up right a way)
• You know that “bada-bing” is in the dictionary (Yep)
• You keep tabs on which words are added to the unabridged dictionary each year (No)
• You like to do things that make you “feel intellectual” (Sometimes, but sometimes I just liek to be lazy)
• You’d rather compose a thoughtful haiku about the moon than build a base on it (Ew! Haikus! Please, no. I'll write you a free verse, even one with a set pattern, but no Haikus. I HATE writing Haikus)
• You know how to spell Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (Not off the top of my head. I can't even tell you if yous spelled it right)
• You’ve catalogued every case of consistent alliteration throughout the course of this… crummy… list (No, I'm not that bored)
• You’ve already started writing an essay about the significance of this list, why you find it significant, and how that main idea relates to the “human condition” (Fiction writer...I don't care about the how this list relates to the "human condition")
• You hate it when people end sentences with a preposition (Yes, but I'm guilty of doing it)
• You can conjugate any given verb in future perfect tense (No)
• You know what “future perfect tense” is (Nope)
• You understand the concept of “literary license” (yes)
• People with other majors regularly ask you to edit their papers (Yes)
• Writing and/or editing others’ papers is actually a steady source of your income (I wish)
• You know how and when to use “who” and “whom” (yes)
• When reading a novel, you pause to analyze the author’s writing style (Yes)
• You get annoyed when non-English majors get excited about their “poetry” (No)
• You get annoyed when non-English majors say they “would love to write a novel” (No. Why would that annoy me?)
• You’ve read something in Old English (Yes)
• You can actually understand Old English (Yes)
• You’ve memorized the first line of at least five novels (Yes)
• Typos of any kind throw you off, and in some cases make you angry (Not always)
• You’ve considered how this list might be rewritten in free-verse (It could be)
• You’ve considered how this list might be rewritten in iambic pentameter (It could be)
• You’ve considered how this list might be rewritten, period  (Are you really THAT bored?)
• You found at least one misspelling or grammatical error in this list (Yes, actully...but I wasn't sure exactly how to corect it so I just left it as it was)
• You’re too busy reading and/or writing to bother mentioning it, or to write a list like this for that matter (Yeah)
• When you hear the name Zelda you think of F. Scott Fitzgerald and not video games. (Nope. I think of the video games. F. Scott Fitzgerald is one of those authors on me 'To Read' list that I haven't gotten to yet)

I love being an English majior...at times. In class today, a few of my class mates were discusing wether Crane was a naturalist, a romantist, or an existialist, and one class mate (who isn't an English majior) randomly started laughing. When we looked at him he said, "I have no idea what you are talking about." In the same class, also today, another one of my class mates said that she found Crane depressing and our professor made a joke about Thomas Hardy. Most of us were laughing, but the same guy from earlier laughed nervously and then said (jokingly), "Stupid English majiors and their stupid jokes about authors."

Thinking about it, us English majiors do make a lot of references to literature and joke about authors a lot. One of my favorite ongoing debates amongst all of us though is wether or not Shakesphere actully wrote all of his plays. I honestly don't think that debate will ever be finished.