Weeding out the Pessimism

"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds." 

~Gordon B. Hinkley 

Last week didn't leave me in an optimistic mindset to tackle this week with. It seemed like I kept messing up all last week. And the bad part was that I knew how to do everything I was messing up on. I just, for some reason, couldn't get anything done right. It was a bad week. That's for sure. But it wasn't the end of the world.

When I woke up this morning, I had to force myself out of bed. No surprise there. It's a Monday and I had been up late the night before (partially because of homework; partially because of an annoying main character that refuses to let me figure out the critical point in her life and has a habit of only talking to me when I'm trying to sleep).  Needless to say, I threw on the first clothes my hands landed on in my dresser this morning, and dragged myself to work. I made it through work, although languidly. I felt like a zombie, sitting at the cash register and watching as my fellow students munched on their eggs and hashbrowns. I couldn't have been more relieved when nine o'clock rolled around and I was able to clock out.

A few hours later, I was trying to waist some time before having to go back into work for my second shift of the day. I wasn't feeling all that well about myself. I was so sure I would find some way to screw up my last shift of the day. My self-confidence was low. My expectations were low. My over all mood was low. Then I looked in the mirror...

...and I noticed that the outfit I had randomly chosen that morning was actually pretty decent...

...and I noticed that my curly red locks were actually tame...

..and I noticed that I felt a bit better.

That's when I decided. 

"Okay," I said to myself. "Time for a little confidence boost."

With a couple tweaks to my out fit and hair, and an hour of jamming out to three of my favorite bands, I was suddenly ready to face work again. In fact, I was excited for it. My energy had shot through the roof as Toby Mac's Steal My Show, played through my mind. Still, I wasn't completely optimistic. I'm ever hardly completely in a good mood. I know that sounds sad, but I can't help but see the bad that accompanies the good. It's like a curse. I see it all the time. No mater what I do, I always have to look at the pros and cons. I always have to examine both side.

When I got to work though...man, nothing could have prepared me for what happened today. It's like Someone, somewhere, knew exactly what I needed that shift to be. I walked into my boss's office, meaning to ask what I needed to do that day, and was greeted by him and my other boss laughing. The grins they wore were so wide that they Put the Cheshire Cat's to shame. 

"That song's still playing," the boss I had gone to talk to said. 

"I know! How long do you think it'll take them to notice?" my other boss said. 

Those two got into their head that instead of an act of kindness they'd do an act of evilness for the day. I'm glad they did though, for it provided quite an amusing scene. They had set the kitchen stereo system to play the same annoying pop-ish song over and over again. It had been on repeat all day, from what they told me, and it led to some friendly joking. 

Then, awhile later, I was in the back of the cafeteria (That's where I work) gathering a bunch of plates and cups for a catering event that's coming up. On the list of supplies I needed to gather for the event, was 100 of these tiny, clear plastic things. I have no idea what they're called. I couldn't pronounce the name of them that was on my list and had to ask where they were. I think, for the sake of this post I'll call them the bowl-cups...because they were sort of like the love child of a cup and a bowl. 

Anyway, I digress. The bowl-cups that I needed were on the top shelf of a rather high shelving unit. And I'm a fairly short girl. There was no way I could reach them. For a moment I considered climbing the shelf to get them, but I didn't really want to fall...or drop the box on my head. So, I turned to my boss -who was still back there from showing me where the weird things were located -and asked him if he knew where a ladder was:

"There's a ladder over there. But there's also a step-stool...somewhere."

"I'll just go find the step-stool (I'm afraid of ladders, okay? I'm weird like that.)."

"Or you could just climb and get them."

"But I don't want to drop the box on my head."

"But I want to see you drop the box on your head."

That sounds like a mean remark, but it was honestly spoken in good humor and he and I laughed about it for a bit. 

The point is, the entire time I spent at work this afternoon was nothing but great. I didn't screw up once, I felt confident the whole time, and it got me to thinking. That happens a lot. 

I'll be having a horrible day or be feeling down, then I'll go to work and -after some time there -everything's better. I asked myself, why that was. The answer's so obvious though. To me, it was, anyways...

...Whenever I'm stressed out, I have the urge to clean..

...Whenever I'm feeling down, I have the urge to clean...

...Whenever someone really ticks me off, I have the urge to clean...

...Cleaning...working...is coping for me. 

When I work, I don't worry. My brain blocks out all other problems, locking them away in a closet and declaring them dead. And, I throw all my emotions from those problems into cleaning and organizing. And, in the end, I'm left feeling content. After a good cleaning or work session, I feel pride. I can look around and see that I accomplished something. And that's a great feeling. Especially after a week where everything went wrong. 

I have three main outlets in life. Three main ways that allow me to step away from the world and think; that allow me to weed my mind until only roses and morning glories are left. Those three ways are:

1. Walks 

2. Cleaning/working

3. Writing 

All three of those are normally accompanied by music of some sort. Take this moment, for instance. It's eleven at night. I should be sleeping because I have another work shift in the morning, but my mind is busy. So I'm writing. I'm blogging and listening to music. And I can almost guarantee you that when I'm done here, my mind will feel like a weight has been lifted from it and I'll be able to sleep. I already feel more relaxed than when I started writing this post.  

This post may not be turning out the way I thought it would. It may not be deep and profound, but -you know -that's okay. What maters is that it's written. 

I opened this post with a saying by Gordon B. Hinkley that says, "Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds." That statement was true for me today. It's been true in the past and I'm sure it'll be true in the future. When you work hard, you get good results. I got optimism out of it. I got confidence and laughter. Those weeds that Hinkley's talking about...don't let them overgrow the lawn of your life. Don't let them strangle the optimism out of you. I guess, what I'm saying, is find an outlet. We all need outlets. We all need ways to cope. Ways to escape and think. I've found some that work for me and every time I use them I'm left to marvel at all the good they do for me. 

I don't know who you are. I don't know your stories or what plagues your life. But I do know the help a good outlet can be. Notice I said GOOD. Find a positive outlet to let out your stress and, every time you rise above the darker emotions, rejoice.