Rain is a glorious thing. Like most things in life, it has a duality to it. Every coin has two sides, and rain can symbolize both life and death. For the sake of this entry, however, let's focus on the positive side of rain. Perhaps at a later date, I'll write about the negative side. As it is, though, I've been pondering on the positive.
Life has been crazy lately. Theses last few weeks have been nothing but stress and insomnia. Almost all of my time has been dedicated to school, work, or preparation for the future. Free time has become something of a myth. Yet, I still find time to enjoy a few walks. If I didn't, I'd go crazy. It was on one of theses walks that I did something completely against my nature.
Before I go on, let me tell you that I love rain...but I hate to be in it. This has nothing to do with its temperature, or how its wet, its because I absolutely detest the feel of wet fabric. Seriously, I cant' stand it. Like some people can't stand eating rice because of it's texture, I can't stand wearing wet clothing for the same reason. There's just something about how it plasters itself to my form that irritates me. But, twice in three weeks, I have voluntary experienced the feeling.
The first was on that walk I was telling you about. It was misting that day and I knew there was a high chance of storms, but I was so stressed out that I needed to leave the dorm. To escape from the white walls and forget for a little while. The weather looked so inviting with its heavy clouds and lite fog. I grabbed my Ipod, my over-sized hoodie, and ventured on a walk. It started out nicely, the heaven's tears occasionally striking the surface of the river I walked beside, but grew to be something I needed. Something deep and meaningful.
It started pouring while I was walking the trail. My first thought was to turn back around. I was only about half way through with a mile. The walk back wouldn't be a long one. As thunder began to sound, I made up my mind to turn back. Music and solace weren't worth getting sick over...correction, I thought they were very much worth it, but I couldn't afford to become sick. My life was simply (is simply) too hectic for it.
When I was almost back to the dorms, I changed my mind. I remember pausing, looking at the river and unconsciously moving towards it. I could no longer bring myself to care that it was pouring, that I could get sick, or that I had a pile of work waiting for me back on my desk. I was captured by the beauty in front of me.
I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had 'danced' in the rain. I could recall a brief conversation I had with my mother about how cleansing rain was and how standing in it washed the dirt off the mind and soul...but that conversation had been over three years ago. I had still been in high school then, and no I'm only a few months away from my Senior year of college. I did something then, when I realized just how long it had been since I had actually been out in the rain and enjoyed it, that I normally wouldn't do. I turned off my Ipod, plucked the buds from my ears, and sat down on a rocky area I always walk by. It's more like a rocky cliff-side, but it's not too high up and over look a river. Granted, if you stumbled from it you would be injured. It may not be that far above the river, but there were enough jagged rocks at the bottom that a tumble could easily break a limb. I sat there, though, for almost an hour. I just sat there watching the rapids of the river. I saw ducks playing, robins bathing, and found myself entranced by floating leafs. I allowed myself to forget all my stress and to succumb to the beauty of the Lord's world.
After that walk, I felt alive. I felt as if I had been shut off from the world and -for the first time in forever -I was really feeling. That moment was more real to me than the paper waiting to be written. More important than the speech I needed to finish...more beautiful than the stack of precious literature I needed to read.
In the words of Stephen Chbosky (Have you ever realize how much I quote this guy?), "In that moment, I felt infinite." I felt like I actually understood the scenes in movies where people who have gone through so much suddenly dance int the rain. I'm a writer, and yet I fear that I can't possibly accurately describe that feeling to you. I think it's something that, to truly understand, one must feel for them self.
Today, I experience that awesomeness again...which is what really provoked me to write this blog. I was forced to walk to class in pouring rain, to talk about a poet that is more than a bit disturbed (Sylvia Plath, for any of those wanting to know. That's the poet's name). I must have looked like a drowned cat when I entered that classroom. I was soaked to the bone. So soaked that my clothes were dripping and my steps leaving puddles. Remember how I said that I hate the feel of wet fabric? For forty-five minutes I sat at my desk, fighting the urge to run back to my room and throw on some dry clothes. I paid attention to the discussion but it was difficult. Sitting as stiff and as still as a board, I forced myself through the class.
After class came to an end, I sat at my desk for a few moments longer. I didn't want to go back outside, but I didn't want to spend the next two hours, which I had as free time, there. So, I picked up my hoodie -intending to put it on -and discovered it was still just as wet as it was when I had peeled it off my body.
Taking one glance out the old window, at the pouring rain, I mentally said, "Forget it." I was soaked anyway. So, I gathered up my back pack, draped my hoodie over my arm, and made my way into the rain. I walked back to my dorm slower than I ever have before. I figured I might as well enjoy the walk since I couldn't temporarily halt the rain. I allowed the rain to finish its task of drenching me, had a conversation with a professor who was also venturing through heaven's wonderful tears, and was freezing by the time I made it back to my room. The three minute walk to my dorm was made in ten.
The rain's cold today -its drops are powerful, almost bruising as they strike at your flesh, but they are beautiful. I have said this multiple times in my life, but there is nothing as beautiful -as breath taking -as a storm. There is something so pure to it that nothing else can quite rival it. It's like...well, it's like God. It's powerful and strong, but nurturing at the same time. It's awe-inspiring. It's pure perfection. It's... indescribable.
In literature, rain -water -is used as a symbol. It can represent life, death, trials, and perseverance. It can be personified as mocking or nurturing...but the most common ways it is used is as a symbol of rebirth. It symbolizes the purification of the soul. The rebirth or resurrection of one's self.
In a spring that started off frozen, I am finding rain to be more beautiful by the day. Not only has it provided for me a few moments of extreme closeness to the Creator, but it has revived the world just as it has my soul.
For those of you who read my last blog post (entitle Soliloquy) you read a poem about myself wanting to be revived. I might had wrote it as a class assignment, but I wrote it about my inner struggle to rise above the dark and frozen state of the world. This is a struggle I think all can relate to. With the coming of the rain, I felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders. Its been as if the rain has washed the cares from me. I still have things to do, meetings to attend and grades to get, but the rain had brought a sense of peace and tranquility. It has been a reminder to me of the beauty that is in this busy life.
Some of you who had started reading this may have already left by now. I may have lost your attention long before this point, but -for those of you that are still here -if you take away anything from this post I hope it's that there is beauty in this world. Despite the darkness and the everyday struggles that try to bring us down, there is beauty. The Creator is an artist, and this world is a masterpiece.
I challenge you to take a few moments out of your busy schedule to enjoy the world around you. I realize it may not be raining at where every you are reading this, but still take time to look around you. Go outside and gaze up at the sky. Go to the park, lay down in the grass. Go on a walk. If there's a tornado, go watch it...from a safe distance...please, don't go injuring yourself. Tornado/storm watching is perfectly fine (I've done it myself), but be safe about it. That is my challenge to you. The Lord has packed this world full of beauty and just a moment's observation of it can change your whole day.
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